Conversational Strategies

For a conversation to be successful, we use a lot of "conversational strategies". For example, we use some expressions to get someone's attention, give feedback to someone's comment, clarify your comment, etc.

The basic purpose of all these strategies is to let the other person know that you are listening and are trying to understand what s/he is saying, as well as to make yourself understood by the other person.

In English, we can carry out most conversational strategies by using some fixed or idiomatic expressions. These expressions are very useful. By learning and using them, your English will sound more natural and your communication will be more successful.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Getting Someone's Attention

When you want to start a conversation, you need to first get the other person's attention. There are many ways to do that. Below are some common expressions that you can use.


Starting an Informal Conversation

* Listen (to this).
* Listen up.
* Get a load of this.
* Get this.
* Guess what?
* Guess what I just found out.
* Have you heard the latest?
* Did you hear the news?


Starting a More Formal Conversation

* Can I talk to you?
* Do you have a minute?
* Let's sit down and talk.
* May I have a word with you?



Examples:

Dialog 1: (between 2 friends)
Ann: Guess what?
Jim: What?
Ann: I'm getting married next month.
Jim: Congratulations! Who's the lucky guy?


Dialog 2: (between 2 coworkers)
Ken: Hey, did you hear the news?
Joe: No. What news?
Ken: Tom has got the sack. (*to get the sack = to get fired)


Dialog 3: (between a boss and his employee)
Boss: Jim, do you have a minute?
Jim: Yes.
Boss: Let's sit down and talk.
Jim: Sure.


Dialog 4: (between a boss and his employee)
Jim: Mr. Tanaka. Do you have a minute?
Boss: Yes.
Jim: May I have a word with you?
Boss: Sure. Come in, sit down.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back Channeling


Back channeling signals are used in the course of a conversation to indicate to the person we are talking to that you are paying attention. Below are some common expressions that you can use.

Showing You are Listening

* Yes.
* Right.
* Uh-huh.
* I see.
* OK.


Encouraging the Other Person to Keep Talking

* Yes. Go on.
* Yes. Keep going.
* And?


When the Other Person is Repetitious

* So you just said.
* I get the point already.
* I know already.
* I think we've covered that already.

Example:
Dialog: (between 2 friends)

Jim: I had a day off yesterday...
Joe: I see.
Jim: ... So I went on a date with my girlfriend ...
Joe: And?
Jim: ... and we went to see "Lost in Translation".
Joe: Uh-huh. What's it about?
Jim: Well, it's about two American people - they are strangers, and ...
Joe: Yes. Keep going.
Jim: and they met by chance in Tokyo...
Joe: Right. And?
Jim: and these two people are strangers ...
Joe: So you just said.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Showing Disbelief or Surprise

During a conversation, someone might tell you something that is surprising, outrageous, or even doesn't seem to be true. How can you express your surprise or disbelief? What should you say in response? Below are some common expressions that you can use.

Showing Disbelief or Surprise

* Really?
* No kidding!
* Are you serious?
* You're making this up, aren't you?

No way! (Informal)

* Are you for real? (Informal)
* Are you pulling my leg? (idiom) (to pull someone's leg = to fool someone)


Responding to Something Outrageous or Really Surprising

* You've got to be kidding!
* You've got to be kidding me!
* I can't believe it!
* Unbelievable!
* Come on! (Informal)
* Get out of here! (Informal)
* That blows my mind. (Informal)

Examples:
Dialog 1: (between 2 friends)

Joe: Listen to this. A 60-year-old woman gave birth to a baby yesterday in Italy.
May: You're making this up, aren't you?
Joe: No, it's in the newspaper.

Dialog 2: (between 2 friends)

Kim: Do you remember John?
Ann: You mean our high school friend?
Kim: That's him. He was in last week's national singing contest...
Ann: And?
Kim: ...and he won first prize!
Ann: Get out of here! John is tone-deaf!
Kim: I know.
Ann: Unbelievable! That really blows my mind.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Agreeing and Disagreeing


In a conversation, you may agree totally with what the other person said, or you may agree partially, with reservation. On the other hand, you may mildly or even strongly disagree with the other person. What can you say in each of these situations? Below are some common expressions that you can use.

Showing Total Agreement

* Absolutely.
* Exactly.
* Indeed!
* That's for sure.
* You're right.
* I totally agree with you.
* I agree with you a hundred percent.
* I couldn't agree with you more.
* Can't argue with that.
* Couldn't have said it better.
* We see eye to eye on this. (idiom) (Meaning: we agree totally on this)



Showing Partial Agreement

* You may be right.
* Well, perhaps (you're right).
* You might have a point there.



Showing Mild Disagreement

* It may be so, but ...
* I'm not sure if I agree with you totally there.



Showing Strong Disagreement

* I'm afraid I disagree with you.
* I'm afraid I can't agree with you.
* I couldn't disagree (with you) more.
* I disagree completely.
* You've got that wrong. (informal)
* You're dead wrong. (informal)


Examples:
Dialog 1: (between 2 friends)

Jim: Listen to this. They are going to ban smoking on the beach in Los Angeles.
Joe: Really? That's good news. I think they should do the same here in Japan.
Jim: Exactly!


Dialog 2: (between 2 friends)

Ann: Guess what? I've made an appointment to have a nose job next week.
Liz: A nose job? Are you for real?
Ann: Yeah! What's wrong with that? If I look better, I'll feel better.
Liz: I'm not sure if I agree with you totally there. Looks is not that important. What's important is your personality.
Ann: You're dead wrong, Liz! Looks is everything for a woman.
Liz: Well, I'm afraid we don't see eye to eye on this.

(*a nose job = cosmetic surgery on the nose)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Asking Someone to Repeat


In a conversation, you may not be able to get everything the other person has said. It may be because the person speaks too softly, or too fast, or may be there are words or expressions you don't know. In these cases, it is perfectly OK to let the other person know that you have trouble hearing him/her. You can use some of the phrases below.

When You Want Someone to Repeat What S/he Just Said

* I beg your pardon?
* Pardon me?
* Excuse me?
* What did you say?
* What was that?
* I'm sorry. I missed that.
* I didn't quite get that. (Meaning: I didn't quite hear or understand that.)
* Could you repeat that?
* Say that again? (Informal)
* Come again? (Informal)


When Someone Speaks Too Fast

* Could you speak more slowly?
* Slow down! I can't follow you! (Informal)


When Someone Speaks Too Softly

* Could you speak louder?
* Speak up. I can't hear you. (Informal)

Example:
Dialog: (between a customer and a computer salesperson)

Salesperson: If you buy this computer today, you'll get a 30% discount, which means you only have to pay $1598.98.
Customer: I'm sorry. Say that again?
Salesperson: If you buy this computer today, you only have to pay $1598.98 - a 30% discount!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Checking For Understanding


When having a conversation with someone, we always want to make sure that we understand what each other is saying. It is a good conversational strategy to check, from time to time, if the person you are talking to understands what you are saying.

When, on the other hand, being asked if YOU understand what the other person is saying, you should respond honestly - that is, if you don't understand, say so, and ask the person to repeat.

Below are some useful expressions which you can use.

When You Want to Make Sure Someone Understands You

* (Do you) understand what I'm saying?
* (Do you) know what I mean?
* (Do you) know what I'm talking about?
* Does that make any sense?
* Do you follow me?
* Are you with me?
* With me so far?
* You know?
* You see?
* Right?


When You Understand What Someone Is Saying

* I see what you're saying.
* I see what you mean.
* I know what you mean.
* I know.
* I understand what you're saying.
* I'm with you.
* I hear you.
* I hear what you're saying.


When You Don't Understand What Someone Is Saying

* I don't get it.
* I don't follow you.
* I'm not sure I get your point.
* I'm not sure I know what you mean.


Example:
Dialog 1: (between a father and his son)

Son: I want to quit school.
Dad: Are you serious?
Son: Yeah! I'm smart, I don't need to go to university...
Dad: Listen. I don't care how smart you are, if you don't have a good education, you can't get a good job these days. Do you know what I mean?
Son: Yeah, I guess.
Dad: Education is the most thing for you right now...
Son: OK, I hear you.


Dialog 2: (between a computer instructor and a student)

Instructor: To send an email, you just have to click on this button, type in the email address, or you can select an address from the address book. Do you follow me?
Student: I don't get it. What address book?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clearing Up Misunderstanding


In Unit "Asking Someone to Repeat", we talked about the importance of checking to see if we understand each other in a conversation.

Misunderstandings do occur in conversations. When someone misunderstood what you said, how can you point that out?

Or, when you are not quite sure what the other person is saying, what can you say to encourage the person to give you an explanation?

Below are some useful expressions which you can use.

When You Are Misunderstood

* That's not what I meant.
* That's not what I said.
* I didn't mean that.
* I didn't say that.
* You've got me wrong.
* I didn't mean to give you that impression.
* When You Want an Explanation
* What exactly are you trying to say?
* What do you mean to tell me?
* What's your point?
* I didn't get that.

Example:
Dialog 1: (between a man and his girlfriend)

Jim: I really envy Scott. His girlfriend is so beautiful and cute.
Ann: What exactly are you trying to say? Am I not cute and beautiful?
Jim: No! I didn't say that...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Interrupting


In a conversation, sometimes we would like to interrupt the other person to add our own view, to tell our own story or experience, or to voice our disagreement. We can interrupt without being rude by using some useful phrases, such as the following.


Interrupt and Add a Comment

* May I say something here?
* Could I just say something?
* May I add something here?
* I want to add one thing...
* I have a similar experience...
* Let me tell you a similar story of mine.
* Sorry, could I interrupt for a moment? (formal)
* I wonder if I could comment on what you have just said please? (formal)


Interrupt and Voice Your Disagreement

* Now wait a minute here. I don't agree with you.
* Excuse me for interrupting, but I don't agree with you on this point.
* Hold on a second. I disagree. I think you are wrong. (informal)



Examples:
Dialog 1: (during a meeting)

Chairperson: Let's move on to the next item on the Agenda, and...
Staff A: Sorry, could I interrupt for a moment?
Chairperson: Sure, go ahead.

Dialog 2: (between a husband and a wife)

Wife: You don't care about me and our daughter anymore. All you care about is work and playing golf and ...
Husband: Now wait a minute here. I don't agree with you. I spent the whole evening yesterday with you and our daughter!